In January of 2005, after 15 years of talking about it and 5 years of planning and waiting for the perfect location, the perfect location became available right on the Fox River. The perfect spot for a canoe and kayak livery.
For the next 4 months everything moved along smoothly with the build out. The place was a former gas station and a variety of other things, but my partner and I did a pretty good job in transforming it into a pretty good looking canoe and kayak livery.
A bus and a couple of trailers were bought along with all the needed canoes and kayaks.
But that wasn’t the end of it. The plan was to also combine my love of and interest in art along with the same interest in high fat content ice cream. Outdoor art was going to be the theme and this wasn’t going to be your usual side illustration of a fish art or pain staking renderings of fish and forests.
And the ice cream was going to be second to none.
Some time in April a friend stopped by with a gift. He was out doing a river clean up and had found something he thought would look good in my shop. I never did take a picture of it, but it looked a lot like this:
I put the monkey totem on the counter in a prominent location.
Then things started to go wrong.
First, when planning out the ice cream shop, we found out that we had no sewer line. Actually, we had one, but it didn’t connect to anything. Everything that went down the drain or was flushed down the toilet simply percolated into the ground beneath the parking lot somewhere. This required the better part of the parking lot to be dug up and for over a month a lot of people stood around big holes looking down, scratching their heads and asses while trying to figure out what to do next.
Considering the amount of time it takes to get things done and approved, we were finally allowed to open our doors on July 1st, two months behind schedule.
Only by then, it had stopped raining. It had stopped back in April. By the time we opened our doors, the river had come down to the lowest level I had seen it in the 10 years I’d been fishing it. I had guys in their 80’s stop by my shop to tell me how sorry they were for me and that they had been living along the river all their lives and never saw it this low.
Thanks for sharing that.
I checked out a small ravine in July of that year, it always had water running through it and this was a pool that normally was just over 3 feet deep:
As it turned out, 2005 was the driest year in recorded history.
How the hell was I supposed to plan for that?
Suffice to say, things didn’t go well that first year and my plans for the ice cream shop had to be put on hold.
No big deal, except that I also filed for divorce at the end of that summer. That didn’t go well either.
No big deal, I still had my decent paying graphics projects to see me through the winter and get me back on my feet.
How was I supposed to know that more than half of those projects were going to go away that winter.
India could do it for 1 percent of what I was charging.
No big deal, somehow I was going to make it work.
April 2006 came around and it still hadn’t started raining. One day in the shop we were standing around talking trying to figure out how to end this slide I was in. Someone pointed at the monkey totem, “it all started when that thing arrived, you know.”
They were right. I picked it up off it’s showcase place on the counter, walked it over to the river and threw it as far out into the river as I could throw. Then I stood there and watched it till it drifted out of sight. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to make it’s way back to shore.
Within a few days it started to rain. The river came back up to normal levels, even above, and stayed that way. We wound up having a pretty good year, had to cancel a few trips because the water was too high, but not enough was ever made to get the ice cream shop going and not enough was made to get out from under the debt of year one.
By the time October rolled around, I sold everything off, filed for bankruptcy and walked away.
No big deal.
It took a few months, but eventually I was able to land a permanent full-time freelance job that paid pretty well. There was still a lot of debt to catch up on, but things didn’t seem to be that awful. I even met and married a wonderful woman during all of the turmoil.
Odd thing was, it never stopped raining. For the next 5 years the river stayed above normal levels. Now and then it would drop to normal and stay there for a day, then it would pour down rain and shoot back up.
But something was not right. The job was good, but suddenly the new wife got sick. She died on me twice and came close two more times. Every penny I was making had to be spent on survival. Eventually that would lead to filing personal bankruptcy, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
We were living a couple of blocks from the Fox River at that point, about 11 miles down from where my shop was located. While hanging around outside one day we toyed with the idea that the monkey totem was lodged along the shore somewhere near us and continuing to bring us bad luck. There was nothing I could do about that though.
Then, when my wife’s health was at it’s worse, the end of August 2008 came and brought even more rain. And it didn’t stop. It wound up raising the river higher than I had ever seen it. We would stand along the shore and watch massive trees float down stream. It appeared that whole islands were floating down stream.
Within a month, someone finally diagnosed what was wrong with my wife. A couple of more months later was a surgery that pretty much fixed all that had been ailing her.
We joked how the monkey totem was probably blown out to the Gulf and is now someone else’s problem.
May of 2010 I was out fishing the Fox River and came across an African fertility totem tucked onto shore along an isolated stretch of the river.
I didn’t think anything of picking it up and taking it home. It’s a fertility totem, this is a good thing. I cleaned it up and put it on a shelf in my little office.
A couple of days later I was let go from the long running freelance job I had been working for the past 3 years.
No big deal, I’ll find something else.
Almost two years later, I’m still waiting for that something else. In that time period I’ve been told by three head hunters that I’m too old for the graphics industry and I should go find something else to do. I was told by another head hunter that based on my portfolio there’s no reason I shouldn’t be working. Then she looked at my resumé, only we have to dumb down your resumé.
No head hunter has yet to find me work.
I have done a couple of short term things in the graphics industry, but they never amounted to much. I’ve also driven a bus for, and helped with programs for adults with disabilities, great job, part time, low pay. I installed cable for Comcast for a few months, easily the worst job I ever had in my life and Comcast treats their installers like pieces of shit. UPS runner helper in December a year ago, that was fun, my left knee is now shot. Whatever it took to make a few bucks, but even that all dried up this past November.
My wife and I had been talking for the last few months that it was the fertility totem, it had to go. I started talking about doing a sacrificial burning, but I was reluctant to do it. It’s a fertility totem, that’s supposed to be a good thing.
This past weekend, I had had enough. It had to go.
I took some boughs from the Christmas tree that were left lying around and put them out in the fire pit. It seemed appropriate to initiate the death of one thing with something that symbolized birth. I added some newspaper, dumped even more kindling on top of that and placed the totem on top.
To guarantee the burn, I doused the whole thing in charcoal lighter fluid and lit it up.
It was off to a good start.
But because of all the snow, now melting, it was having trouble staying lit. More lighter fluid was called for.
That did the trick, the flames were hot enough to keep themselves going, drying out more to burn as it went.
Burn, baby, burn kept coming to mind. I remember hearing that as a kid as I sat and watched Los Angeles burn. Burn, baby, burn is something I always did when I wanted to cleanse myself of something. Burn it to nothing, to smoldering ash. And when it’s cold, stomp the ash some more till it’s just a black smudge on the ground.
Burn, baby, burn is something that needs to be done more often, otherwise we continue to try to prop up and fix that which doesn’t work, will never work. Some 20 odd years ago I was sitting around with a friend, talking about the failing U.S. manufacturing base and how, if, it could be fixed. I suggested burning it all to the ground. He said someone would come along, put out the fire and try to fix everything. He said the best thing to do is nuke it all and start over. Nothing to fix, start fresh.
He is right.
Another friend sent me an email a few months ago. It was a comparison in pictures of modern day Hiroshima and Detroit.
Nuke it all, start over. The pictures tell the story.
I stoked the fire and poked at the hunk of wood. I wanted it gone, burnt to smoldering ash. I kept turning it and flipping it and stoking the fire. Eventually it all disappeared, a black smudge at the bottom of a muddy, snow encrusted fire ring.
I buried the smoldering ash with snow, then jumped up and down on it till it was as hard as concrete. Then buried it with more snow and did it again.
I felt much better.
Now we’ll see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
Pam
24 Jan 2012Wow. I’ll have to remember not to pick up any totems or statues or anything else that could make my luck worse than it already is at times! Great story!
Ken G
24 Jan 2012Everything stays in the river from now on Pam. I think I’ve learned my lesson. Pictures only and even that is debatable.
trav
24 Jan 2012I know the story. Well parts of it. Kind of nice to fill in the blanks.
Just stop picking up shit from the river and keeping it.
Ken G
24 Jan 2012From now on, I’m going to drop them off at Ed’s house.
Clif
24 Jan 2012Dig up the ashes and throw ’em in the river….not the fox but some other river…one that flows north away from me.
Ken G
24 Jan 2012I thought of that, but it’s pretty well annihilated.
I’ll know in a couple of weeks.
If it’s not working, they’re going in the DuPage.
Dan Roloff
25 Jan 2012Burn baby burn, I have a few things lying around the house I am thinking I should burn…
Ken G
25 Jan 2012It gets addictive. I was eye balling a bunch of crap lying around my garage…
The Four Season Angler
25 Jan 2012Keep that shit away from me old man.
Ken G
25 Jan 2012Some day, not so far away, Kelly will walk into the house…
Who the hell is leaving all that bizarre shit out on our lawn?…
BrookfieldAngler
25 Jan 2012This reminds me of the Brady Bunch and the first few episodes of season 4 where Bobbi finds an ancient tiki.
P.S. Don’t pretend that you didn’t watch the Brady Bunch
Ken G
25 Jan 2012Never watched that show. Too wholesome for me. I was a city boy, never understood that whole suburban life thing.
I bet I could find those episodes on YouTube though.
Dan
25 Jan 2012Shit Ken!!! That is/was 100% of the problem!! Thing are going to start coming up for you and yours!!
Thanks for the read! 🙂
Ken G
25 Jan 2012That will be creepy if I get a call in the next week or so. You got anything you need sacrificed, just bring it on over. I have an old outdoor stone fireplace in the yard I’m going to put into use as a sacrificial altar.
The Four Season Angler
25 Jan 2012Sacrificial alter you say….? I know some guys from Haiti that would love to “borrow” the use of such a thing. Just keep your cat in the house and ignore the screaming.
Ken G
25 Jan 2012It’s for rent. I don’t mind screaming. Fits right into the neighborhood.
Dan Roloff
25 Jan 2012Ken, I don’t think you need to come into contact with anymore cursed objects…
Ken G
25 Jan 2012They seem to find me. I need to learn to leave them be.
Walt Franklin
25 Jan 2012Ken, There’s a haunting reggae beat and a line at the end of PJ Harvey’s Let
England Shake,”Let it burn, burn, burn…” Would make a good soundtrack for this tale, but hopefully that monkey’s way down in the mud.
Ken G
25 Jan 2012Walt, I was looking for a song to put at the end, but never found anything I liked. I went and listened to that. Would have been a nice addition.
Dan Roloff
26 Jan 2012I’ve had the song Disco Inferno stuck in my head from the minute I read the title in my inbox…
Ken G
26 Jan 2012Sorry about that.
Mike Kane
25 Jan 2012River Juju. While kayaking on the Des Plaines, I’ve found two “Mexican Voodoo jars”, they were examined and quickly discarded.
The first was seeking love the other riches. I’ve been unsure what I would do if I came across another one.
Thanks for helping me decide…
Ken G
26 Jan 2012I used to find these things intriguing and worth collecting.
Now I want to run screaming from the river to get away from them.
I’m figuring if they had any real value in the first place, someone else wouldn’t have thrown them in the river.
Rob P
26 Jan 2012I saw this same wooden statue on Antiques road show on channel 11. very rare, went for 6 figures at auction.
Keep wading, you’ll find another one!
🙂
Ken G
26 Jan 2012I don’t want any more. I don’t care what they’re worth.
Rob P
26 Jan 2012jk!
🙂
glad you got a new start!
Nature in the Burbs
27 Jan 2012I had the Burn, Baby, Burn song in my head too as I was reading.
Ken G
28 Jan 2012I knew I should have tried harder to get a song in this post. It seems to have needed it.
bob
30 Jan 2012Don’t vote repuplican. they care less about you and you (very familiar situation) than you cared about that totem.
I don’t tend to pick up jestsom and flotsam (I tend to buy it) but that will now stop completely.
All wooden totems now remind me of the GREAT Karen Black, Trilogy of Terror episode with the little wooden man and his teeth. It still scares me to this day. http://www.horrorremix.com/wp-content/images/zuni.jpg –
and I ain’t superstitious. Well, I wasn’t. I am a bit now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRjjniwdnuY
I’m hoping it gets better soon Sir Ken of G.
Ken G
30 Jan 2012Lots of little low paying part time things out there Bob. May have to just string them all together and see what happens.
I remember that episode. My days of gathering things from the river are over. I may start burning them where I find them.
I have little confidence in all political parties lately, but absolutely none in the Republicans.
bob
30 Jan 2012I don’t want a politican who pledges to get the country moving again.
I don’t want a politician who pledges to get the economy on its feet.
I don’t want a politician who pledges to bring business to the country.
I want a politician who pledges to get our people moving again,
to get our people on their feet,
to get people working at whatever.
If I remember the words correctly….it is
“of the people, by the people, and for the people.”
It doesn’t mention anything about business, or economies.
Nations come and nations go. People continue and make new nations.
bob
30 Jan 2012When enough people don’t have to fight for the nation (miltary) or serve the nation (public service) they soon lose a sense of “the nation” , of community, of family and end up with few ties to it and the bigger picture of who they are.
The military can no longer take those without an elevated level of education.
But public service, public rebuilding programs, conservation programs, etc. These may not be the fields you, or millions of people have been trained for, but they Government could say, “we’re hiring, we’re paying, we have helath benefits.” Watch how many Americans would leap at this.
It is a bit of the Israeli sense of public service. Every one must give two years, or work. It would put millions of Americans to WORK. Some may have to move around. So what?
Which reminds me. Didn’t the Government (US people) pay the banks for their bad mortgage paper? Why didn’t the banks forgive the homeowner the loan and say, “congrats, You own a house.”?
Why are th banks still collecting on mortgages that have been, theoretically paid for? If the banks weren’t given the mone for the bad loans, what was the money for. It isn’t as if we wouldn’t spend any extra money we get – on cars, new household items, food, electronics, whatever – which would stimulate the economy. We are not savers, we buy, which is one thing that is needed.
bob
30 Jan 2012one of those days for me, I guess.
I came to the conclusion about 5 to seven years ago that some things simply cannot be learned from, or taught in books. Fishing is one of those things. Somethings must be taught from human to human. Fishing is one of those things.
Just as you cannot write a book, or a working book on how to throw a football, how to throw a baseball you really can’t teach how to cast, how to retrieve, how to fish in a book.
Video is better as you are looking at the master do the thing they are trying to teach and you can imitate what you see. You cannot accurately imitate that which you are imagining. Even pictures are inferior to video and doing.
I think books that try to teach fly fishing are wildly inaccurate and ineffective. I have taken more people fishing, actually fishing, than almost anyone alive. I know I could never put into a book, what i can show a kid in 5 minutes sitting with them. And, I can write well (descriptively).
We need to rethink this.
I was once asked by a fly fishing group what I thought of their “curriculum.” They were going to take a bunch of 12 year olds and teach them fly fishing over the sumer. Their classes consisted on morning classroom session learning bugs, and afternoon on the water session doing what they learned in the classroom, including casting.
I told them, this si school work. No 12 year old want’s to spend summer doing school work. No 12 year old cares about casting or the latin names of bugs. This doesn’t sound like fun. I’d just let them go out an fish.
I never heard from them again.
Ken G
30 Jan 2012You are on a roll. I may have to cut and paste some of this and give it a better place than down here on the bottom with a bunch of other comments.
You’ve put down words that I tell people all the time.
I like to tell them, why are you complicating things (could be politics, work, fishing) nobody but you cares at that level.